Saigon Vittles

HAIKU

A dog is missing.

He strayed too far from Master.

I hope he's not lunch.

Vietnamese cuisine is a dichotomy. On one side, it is light and flavorful. The Vietnamese eat aromatic herbs like vegetables. In fact, I don't even think they distinguish between herbs and vegetables. It is all called "rau". It is hard to order a Vietnamese dish without getting some kind of antioxidant on your plate. Most of the ingredients in Vietnamese food are easily recognizable and commonly eaten in America. There are many pork, beef and chicken dishes, as well as lots of vegetarian fare. I am a huge fan of Vietnamese food, fish sauce and all.

That being said, Vietnamese cuisine has a darker, more exotic side.

Let's start with the old stereotype... thịt chó. Dog meat. They eat it here. Now, it is still sort of a novelty to many Vietnamese. It seems that the older, more traditional folks are more fond of it, like chitterlings back home in North Carolina. I am told it is a little gamey, a little bit fatty and sweet. I'll take their word for it.

Another exotic food here is the trung vit long. Also known as the balut in the Philippines, this is a mature duck egg, usually about in the 17th day of gestation. Basically it's a baby duck, but the bones and bill haven't hardened yet. Yum! The trung vit long is boiled and served in brine. I am told it tastes like chicken. As with questions about nuclear warheads on Navy vessels... I can neither confirm nor deny having eaten a balut yesterday.

Scorpions are also on the menu here. I have not found any yet, but I know where to go when I decide to try one. They are generally served fried, and have a somewhat fishy taste. They are chewy, apparently. I think I'd prefer crunchy.

Frog legs! I went to a local market yesterday (where I may or may not have encountered a balut) and generally speaking, when you buy a critter for cookin' around here, it is alive and kicking. Literally. There were basins full of live fish, and usually there were a few frogs tethered by the legs nearby. I mentioned the frogs to my guide, Duy, who turned his nose up at them. I decided not to mention that I used to gig frogs all the time in the summers as a teenager, and ate the legs like chicken. I'll come back for them later when Duy isn't around.

Geckos. Those are plentiful around here. They are not known for selling car insurance in Vietnam. If one is so inclined, one can get lunch off the apartment wall here. I have quite a few. Maybe that's how you wind up on the menu in Vietnam, historically speaking. Slither, crawl or hop into plain view and you'll get yourself barbecued. Just like good old North Carolina.

Field rats. OK, we don't eat those in North Carolina. At least not any more. These are big 'ol fat field rats. They are something of a delicacy, especially in the central region of Vietnam.

Silkworms. I can't comment. I have only eaten one or two bugs in my life, and I think I was too drunk to remember the taste. So, I'll reserve judgment on the bugs for now.

There are some other exotic foods that I have not yet seen, and I am not really looking. One is "tiet canh", otherwise known as raw blood soup. Cow testicles are also available. I ate chitterlings back home, but always balked at the cow and sheep balls. I'll rely on others to tell me of the experience.

One last exotic food to be found here is not really food at all. It is coffee. Specifically, it is called Weasel Coffee. Weasel coffee is coffee made from beans that have passed through the digestive tract of a civet. Now, a civet is not a weasel. It is a type of wild cat, but apparently we're not standing on ceremony or semantics here. Besides, it's poop coffee for crying out loud, who cares what kind of animal pooped it? I have neither tried nor am interested in trying it, but am offering the infomation up to you, dear reader, in the event you find yourself in Vietnam craving some kitty poop coffee. Accept no substitutes however, as there is fake kitty poop coffee out there, which might not have been pooped at all. Or pooped out of a less savory animal than a civet. Or a weasel, for that matter.